what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
