My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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