I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
