i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
