she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The feeling are messing with the penis
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
