Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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