I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
