then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
