I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
