Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
