So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
