She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
