i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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