went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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