why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
