There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
