I seem to have left my pride at pride
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
