Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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