so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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