Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
