Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
