tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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