I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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