I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
