I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
