Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
