i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
