dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
