So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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