dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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