i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize