Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
