So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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