just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
