it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
