I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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