Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
