dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
