She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
