Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
