In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize