She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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