Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
