I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
