no, he came in my armpit
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
