I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
