You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So many bounce houses so little time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
