She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
