guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
