my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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