Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
