I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
