I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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