Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
