His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
