I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
