dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
