apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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