meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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