I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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