someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
