can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
