Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The struggles of a small town man whore
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
