The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
