It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
